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Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.