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I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times