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In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.