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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...