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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.