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There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.