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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.