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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
I have nothing!
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.