Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.