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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.