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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.