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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
A leaf blower, but for people.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D