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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.