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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her