Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.