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Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.