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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.