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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.