Daily Silly Status

Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.

I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.

I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.

We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.

I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.

The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.

Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?

Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.

There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”

I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.

I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.

A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."

My mind has a mind of its own.

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.

The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.