Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?