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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.