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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.