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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
Last night my wife said to me, β€œWhat would you do without me?” Apparently, β€œYour sister” was the wrong answer.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Long story short, I love summaries
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?