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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.
One of the saddest days of my life was when I heard that bears sleep for half the year and I realized I had been born the wrong species