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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?