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The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"