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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.