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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.