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I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I wonder what my dog has named me?
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
In space they just call it "Jam"
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Ways to die: Steal my food.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!