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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??