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Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
Where is the button to restart summer?
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."