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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Hold boobs not grudges.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.