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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.