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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.