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Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
So... Where does one obtain minions?
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.