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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
Keep calm and drink on.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.