Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
There is no time to check time
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?