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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I`ve decided!! Iām giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing