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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!