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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..