Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !