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Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?