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Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.