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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
My wife thinks Iām at work. My boss thinks Iām home sick. These ducks think Iām awesome because I have the bread.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.