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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.