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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.