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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.