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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
I need new swear words.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.