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Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t