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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.