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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.