Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.