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If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*