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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
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There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.