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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!