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Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
"May the 4th" be with you!
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"