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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.