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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.