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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.