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My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass