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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.