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All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.