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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.