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I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!