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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.