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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!