Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage