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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."