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I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich