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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.