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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.