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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!