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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
You are wasting your time reading this status.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.