Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.