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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?