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According to my nipples, summer is over
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........