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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/