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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me