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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!