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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Back in my day we had 9 planets.