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People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!