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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
At least a stalker is there for you.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.