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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Carfax but for people
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?