Daily Silly Status

I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.

I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.

I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass

The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.

*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!

Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.

Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"

Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be

Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?

Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.

Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard

Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!

People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.