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To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.