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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…