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Thereβs a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say theyβre going to put you in one.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.