Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.