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Iām classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.