Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.